


How Deep is Your Love

by orphan_account



Category: Adams æbler | Adam's Apples (2005)
Genre: Basically Porn, Fetishization, M/M, Mention of previous sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 22:23:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12827370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ivan really needs to know.Adam has an inadvisable fixation.





	How Deep is Your Love

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my goodness, I should be writing TWD instead I am writing crack :)

 

 

_how deep is your love_

The words, soft on Ivan's tongue, annoy the _shit_ out of Adam.

They've been listening to the same song for the better part of an hour. Still though, when he turns to say something and catches the highlight of Ivan's profile he can't. Something cotton sticks in his throat.

Fragile. Ivan looks fragile.

"It's a good song," Ivan says, in that small and sweet way of his, when he catches him looking, "Isn't it Adam?"

He nods, in spite of himself.

 

 

 

Adam's own father may as well have been Hitler. The comparison is apt. Adam sometimes wonders if Ivan is more perceptive than he gives him credit for.

Adam's father was a wretched man, who has hated him since before Adam graced the Earth. And a drunk - like Ivan's father.

Only Ivan's father -

The sick thing, that always makes Adam choked and sick, is that he thinks about it.

He shouldn't be thinking about it.

It's not that he's thinking of what had taken place - Ivan as a child helpless in the grip of a drunk. When he does think about it - it's Ivan as he is now. And a faceless man pushing him over the table and Ivan's predictably sweet acquiescence with perhaps a tacked on, 'Okay Daddy'.

It'd be nice if Adam's fantasies at least stopped there.

But of course they don't.

However reformed Adam wants to feel, it's a process - isn't it?

Only this sickness in him - if not exactly new - has never been so directed. Dedicated.

He imagines Ivan holding his breath as the turgid length inches inside of him. Of Ivan thinking 'better me, not my sister' as he surely had before he went a little mad. Adam wishes he knew him before that.

Fucked black and blue. The doctor has said.

It must have been rough.

Adam's imagination, of course, is up to the task.

Most nights, despite himself, he cums over his fist thinking of Ivan crying. Of Ivan feeling every inch - every corner - of pain and darkness.

 

 

 

Ivan is different - and yet, so much the same. He's healthier, since the hospital. He doesn't pretend Christoffer is a normal boy, doesn't tell made up stories about his wife eating m&m's or any thing of that sort.

He kisses Christoffer on the head whenever they part but when he looks at the boy now he's acknowledging his limitations.

It makes Adam a little nervous, wondering if Ivan is one day going to look at him and see clearly as well.

They spend nearly every waking minute together.

Adam is mostly silent.

It's not that he has nothing to say. He just doesn't know how to say it. He's used to verbal violence and vicious threats, machismo and _my dick is bigger than yours_ camaraderie. He's even used to love talk, whittling away at women until they decide to let him take them to bed.

He's never had _friends_. At least - not like this. He's never had someone who honestly cared about him. Just maybe, Ivan is in a category all his own.

Ivan pats him on the back each night before bed, a ritual as much as his little kisses to Christoffer, and Adam feels nothing but guilt and shame during those moments.

Most nights Ivan's hand hasn't even left his shoulder and Adam's already thinking of him spread out and waiting for abuse.

He wonders what kinds of sounds he made. What kind of sounds he would make. How bad he would feel. How ill-used.

Adam doesn't want to hurt him ever again. Doesn't want anyone else to either.

When he thinks of Ivan in that context, of being hurt, it's something that remains firmly in the past. Adam's sure he wouldn't let any thing like it happen to Ivan ever again.

He finds that looking straight at Ivan's lack of guile is like looking at the sun. He has to protect himself, has to harden his heart, or it really starts to hurt.

And yet - he'd do anything to bask in Ivan's sunshine.

So does it really matter if Adam's imagination goes a little wild?

 

 

 

Adam curses himself for letting it get this far.

It's one of Ivan's new ones that does it. That pins Ivan to the table in the kitchen until Ivan's forced to call for help from Adam in the backyard.

He's been so lax and undisciplined with his thoughts. It's the only reason he goes hard at the sight of Ivan bent over the table, arm wrenched up behind his back, pained little noises escaping him. It's worse that Ivan's not fighting back. His mouth goes dry and for a long minute all he does is stare longingly at the scene.

Damningly, Ivan looks at him and _sees_.

Adam takes care of the situation in short order and the man is sent back on the next bus at his insistence. Ivan, who has never sent anyone back before, protests. In the end though, he lets Adam make the choice.

"I guess you must know better." Ivan admits, shoulder still stiff at the joint.

Adam shrugs.

 

 

 

Ivan's a little reluctant to lay his hand on Adam's shoulder that night, but he does. It's almost like a concession, a submission.

 

 

 

Adam's avoided it until now.

But suddenly it's him in Ivan's father's place - fucking into that tight, hot space. Slick friction and Ivan moaning on the end of his dick.

He comes so hard it nearly blacks out his vision.

Once the floodgates are open, he can't seem to stop.

He imagines Ivan - pink cheeked and open mouthed, riding his dick like those fair rides he's so fond of - up and down, up and down, over and over again. Ivan on his belly, speared open and crawling forward off his dick, mouth already wet with cum, mumbling 'Daddy' at him. Ivan, Ivan, Ivan. Every which way.

 

 

 

He feels like a piece of shit afterward.

 

 

 

"I have thoughts about you." Adam says to him in the morning.

Adam wonders what will happen if he isn't able to control himself. He's never felt like this before. Never wanted someone _so much_ that he feels like he can't even see straight.

"I see." Ivan says, mouth already turning down.

"I think about hurting you Ivan, among other things." It's said calmly because Adam wants him to know and he wants Ivan to keep himself safe.

"Things like?" Ivan asks a little uncomfortably.

It's apparent he's trying not to relapse, to slip into his optimistically blind mindset where Adam's words won't make sense. And that's good. Adam has to remind himself that's good.

Arousal thrums through him at the thought of pushing Ivan to it - playing with him like he was a doll until he regained himself.

Only if that happened he might never regain himself.

"Like what your father did to you." Adam says boldly.

And Ivan - sweet Ivan - holds on, expression crushing inwards. Ivan is letting himself feel the weight of the words as they press him down and if anything that only adds to Adam's arousal.

They haven't talked about it. Especially not after the hospital.

Ivan noticeably stills.

"You think about me like that?" Ivan asks softly, "It's a good sign, that you're telling me."

It's not the answer Adam has been expecting. Ivan should be telling him to pack his bags.

"You should be afraid of me." Adam says, voice rising despite his dedication to remain calm.

Ivan is _frustrating_.

"Love covers a multitude of sins." Ivan responds and that's when Adam loses his temper.

He shoves Ivan against the nearest wall, shoves a thigh between his legs and spits low in his ear.

"You should fucking run. You must know what's gonna happen if you don't run. Or is it that you're a Daddy's boy? That you were waiting for someone to come and make use of you."

Ivan moans suddenly, unexpectedly. Rocks against Adam's thigh.

Adam's hips stutter forward of their own volition and it's then that Ivan begins to buck against him in earnest, like he just can't help himself.

It takes Adam pulling back for Ivan to finally still his hips, with some difficulty.

"I-I don't know why I'm like this." Ivan says, voice shocky and fragile.

On the verge of tears and avoiding Adam's eyes.

If anything it only makes Adam's blood run hotter.

He smooths a hand over the side of Ivan's face.

"I don't know why I'm like this either." He says, a little apologetic.

He closes his eyes and thumps his head on the wall just over Ivan's shoulder.

"I'm going to fuck you." He states.

It's meant to be a warning but Ivan doesn't move from the cage of his arms.

Adam's too on edge to admonish him, feels like he'll liable to throw Ivan down at any moment.

"Do you love me?" Ivan says, incongruously.

Adam pulls back at that, looks Ivan in the eyes.

"Yes." The word is heavy in his mouth with things he can't say. Things he shouldn't feel.

"I want to hear you say it." Ivan swallows, as if he's afraid he's asked for too much.

As if he hasn't already made a home for himself in Adam's bones.

"I love you." Adam says.

And then again, later, when he's fucked him over nearly every surface in the house - and Ivan can hardly walk straight but still, he reaches for him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
